Updated: Jul 28, 2021
love the energy I feel surrounding a new month! Especially July as it’s mid-summer and the pace is a bit more relaxed.
However, there can be the tendency for the self-criticizing spiral our brains go down reminding us of everything we didn't get done last month, the goals we may have fell short of and how much we need to accomplish this coming month to prep for what’s upcoming.
How can we be more gentle with ourselves? Could we consider flipping the script and choosing radical, unconditional, compassionate self-love?
Our default has become to constantly view ourselves through a lens of what we haven't accomplished, where we've fallen short, what we need to change, fix and erase about ourselves to finally feel enough.
Even though research actually shows that self-criticism leads to increased anxiety, insecurity, lower levels of productivity, and increased feelings of defensiveness.
Choosing self-compassion on the other hand has been shown to decrease stress and anxiety, and increase productivity and self-worth.
>>> The good news here is that self-compassion and self-love are learnable skills. They're choices that we get to make moment by moment, every single day. <<<
One powerful question that can instantly shift you back into a space of self-compassion and mindful curiosity is...
What is the story I’m telling myself about _______________ ?
Say you skipped a workout even though you put it on your calendar, you're feeling anxious about an upcoming interview, you're reflecting on everything you didn't cross off your to-do list, or you shared a good idea and it wasn't received well....whatever the event, and now you're spiraling.
1. Stop. Take a deep breath.
2. Notice the story that you're telling yourself about what happened.
3. Ask yourself, 'What am I making this mean?'
4. Ask yourself, 'What do I know to be true?' Here's where you get to ground yourself back in your expansive, grounded, good feeling truth.
Let's say you're reviewing your goals and to-do list from this past month. There are several things on your list that you never even started let alone finished.
Maybe the thoughts coming up are 'Ugh, I'm so behind. I never show up for myself the way I want to. I'm never going to get it all done. Why am I like this?.’
Pause. Ask yourself, 'What am I making the unfinished tasks on my to-do list mean?'.
Those unfinished tasks could be a reflection that you put too much on your plate, that a big project or sickness came up you hadn't anticipated, that you chose to spend more time with family, or that you're still learning how to get things done, feel good doing it, AND navigate an ongoing pandemic.
Stories going on about anything other than what actually happened (here are projects from last month that need to get tackled this month) are likely you making what you did or didn't get done signify how capable, worthy, and enough you are.
What do you know to be true?
You know that you're always learning and growing. You know that you're more than capable of looking at what is and isn't working and adjusting accordingly. You know that you are supported and have resources should you need extra help. You know that you are worthy and enough regardless of how much you get done.
YES, how much we’ve slept, the news, past experiences, our beliefs, and even what we’ve eaten that day can affect our mood.
AND, it's always within our power to pause. To take a deep breath. To check-in and ask ourselves what we're making an event mean and what we really know to be true.
You are powerful beyond measure.
You have the ability, strength, knowledge, and energy to show up day after day and chase after your goals to build your career, get healthier and stronger, be more present with your family and just feel happier.
If you've forgotten that recently, take a moment now and reflect on all that you...
HAVE gotten done this past month
All that HAS GONE WELL,
And what you're EXCITED about focusing on and calling in this coming month.
I encourage you to pause, breathe and to practice mindfulness. Right here, right now, all is well.
Happy 4th of July! 🇺🇸
Grace and Peace,