Why do we say we’re “okay,” when we’re not really okay?
“Be messy and complicated and afraid and show up anyway.” – Glennon Doyle Melton
“Hello! How are you?” —A standard greeting from pretty much everyone we come into contact with. We often respond by saying, “Good! How about you?” or, “Great, thanks! How have you been?” We say, “Really busy, but all is well.” We become rather scripted in our responses, especially with the general public and people who are just acquaintances.
How are you 𝒓𝒆𝒂𝒍𝒍𝒚 doing? How are you 𝒇𝒆𝒆𝒍𝒊𝒏𝒈? How’s your head (what are your thoughts like?) How’s your heart, your energy? Do you regularly take the time to check in with yourself, to identify what’s really going on with you? So often we’re rushing from thing to thing, making it “all” happen and yet we’re not fully in touch with our own inner landscape.
It’s easy to pretend that we have it all together, rather then to dig deep and look at the hard stuff. However, when we do this it just ends up coming out sideways. We aren’t our best selves. We’re just going through the motions and portraying what we want the world to see.
What would it look like to show up messy and maybe even a little afraid. We don’t need to share our deepest truths with everyone, but there’s freedom in releasing ourselves from the pressure of having to have it all together.
I wore a mask for many years. I wanted to keep people at arms length. I wanted to be perceived a certain way. I really wanted to look the part. —The wife of an Army officer, mama to three beautiful kids, lovely home, thriving social life, a delicious meal on the table each night and having an upbeat/welcoming attitude. However, life on life’s terms is challenging. Relationships are hard. Parenting is one of the best things I’ve ever done, but it’s also one of the most difficult. (My three beautiful children are VERY spirited!) Adulting is a lot sometimes. There were many situations and circumstances that stretched me to a bit of a breaking point. I ended up feeling overwhelmed, frustrated, irritable and discontent.
By not being true to myself, by not taking the time for my own personal self-care and soul nourishing practices, negativity leaked into my being and came out in ways that felt far from life-giving. I wasn’t honoring my true self and I therefore wasn’t able to operate at my highest potential.
This can still be my reality some days… However, by taking a deep dive into discovering who I really am, how I’m wired and what actually lights me and helps me to feel my best, I entered into a new level of reality. I no longer wear a pretentious mask of having it all together. I’m human, I’ve healed, and I’m still healing. There’s a lot of past hurts and wounding that (with the help of therapy/coaching/12-step work, etc.,) I’ve been able to address. This is an ongoing process and it’s about embracing progress not perfection.
In doing this work I’m able to come alongside others to offer support, a safe place to process, and guidance and tools to assist them in also uncovering, discovering and discarding that which does and does not serve them. Which is truly a much more empowering way to live and offers such freedom.
Most every day I still bump up against a growing edge. However, by putting into practice that which delights my soul and nurturing myself with really good self-care, I am able to show up as my highest self and to move through whatever situation I’m going through with grace and dignity.
Don’t get me wrong, there are days where I still struggle. We all do! ~Let’s normalize showing up as our true selves. Let’s be vulnerable and transparent as to what life is really like. Maybe we say, “I’m glad to be here,” instead of falsely claiming, “I’m great!”
Get to know the real you, embrace your imperfections, and show up fully to this messy, beautiful life! Stop pretending and start prioritizing what really matters.
It would be my honor and my privilege to hold sacred space for you and to offer support you as you seek to find more balance, freedom and joy in your journey.
When was the last time you really made an investment in yourself? How are you prioritizing your self-care? What might it look like to put your own oxygen mask on first? To show up messy, and maybe even a little bit afraid, but to show up fully and authentically?
Don’t hesitate to reach out for support! We all deserve to have a safe place to process, to celebrate our gifts and talents, and to work through our growing edges which sometimes push us to our breaking point.
Now is not the time for grit, but for grace.
It's not the time for judgment, but for compassion.
It's not the time for perfection, but for progress.
It's not the time for control, but for the wisdom to loosen our grip.
You are doing the best you can. That is enough. I see you and I celebrate YOU!
Grace and Peace,